Why Awareness?

Why awareness?
If I could "cure" autism, I would not. Please don't misunderstand. If there are things we are doing with the chemicals in our food and environment leading to autism, I want people to be educated and not do things to increase the chance their child will face potentially debilitating challenges. And yes, I would love to save some of the heartache, financial woes, etc.  challenging families and marriages. BUT those challenges have shaped us, made us more grateful, and introduced us to amazing people we would never have known without autism.  I don’t want to “cure” Deane’s autism.  I don’t want to change who he is, but we do want to grow the abilities and opportunities for our son and others with similar challenges.

I've known my sweet boy for six and a half years.  For the last four, I have known he has autism. Time has softened my perspective. I no longer focus on what looked like autism happening to my child as I watched the light leaving his eyes.   I now think of autism as part of who he is. He is uniquely Deane and he is fantastic.
As we mark another Autism Awareness Month, I asked myself what exactly do we want to come of raising awareness.  We all rally around causes because we want cures or research funding or supports, etc.  So, what exactly do I believe would come of autism awareness?  

• For families of a young child with autism who are trying understand their situation (therapies, insurance, family roles and dynamics), I hope for support.
• For kiddos struggling to keep up in school (whether socially,  academically or other), I hope for resources - trained people, time and funding needed.
• For pre-teens and teens dealing with the potential setbacks of puberty and the challenges of daily living in the social world of junior high and high school, I hope for understanding and patience.
• For those transitioning to adulthood, I hope for more employers to see the unique value of adults with autism.
• For adults who have been forgotten or dismissed,  I hope for love and care.

I think understanding and awareness are the first steps to making these things happen.    Who doesnt want to be understood?  Believing we have a responsibility to help is a big part of the solution.  

Here are some practical ways to raise awareness and support those trying to give children and adults with autism many abilities.

EDUCATE YOURSELF
This can be challenging since autism comprises such a broad spectrum.  Here are a few articles you could read or videos to watch this month to better understand individuals with autism and those caring for them:
Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

TED Talk: Temple Grandin - The World Needs All Kinds of Minds

Autism Meet Adolescence…Kaboom!

Ten Things I Wish Someone Told Me About Parenting a Child with Special Needs

25 Random Things About Motherhood Autism Style

A Day in the Life of an Autism Parent

Calming a Meltdown - I share this 5 minute video because this is very similar to our experience for a few years.  It brings tears to my eyes, but this is not what the child or the parent wants.  This is two people trying to cope.  It is exhausting, all of the emotions are pouring out of both.  I experienced this followed immediately by a calm child hugging me and eventually saying thank you.

11 Things Never to Say to a Parent of a Child with Autism

Autistic Boy Explains Autism - a touching account of a 19 year old boy

The Obsessive Joy of Autism

SHARE INFORMATION & ADVOCATE
Share some of your favorite articles or videos with others on social media or in conversation.  Don't allow adults or children to treat or even talk about people who are different in a derogatory way.
Here are a couple links about teaching children about autism:
Children’s books about autism
Teaching Children about Autism

DONATE
Consider the specific mission of nonprofits.
There are organizations who focus on improving the lives of individuals with autism and include those individuals in their organizational governing such as the Autism Society of America or Autism Self Advocacy Network.
Consider organizations that benefit your friends and neighbors who have autism.  My two local favorites:
Children’s Therapy Center (Moline, IL) - Deane has been receiving OT services from CTC for four years.  CTC works to make services available to all families regardless of their financial abilities.  Our OT, Christy Hansen, has navigated the maturity process from 2.5-6.5 and covered almost every area of which you can think.  They have an impressive history of service to our local community.  
Quad Cities Autism Center (Moline, IL) - Deane has attended here since June 2011.  His teachers here and the advising staff have literally taught him to communicate, have taught him the joy of learning, and have shown him endless patience and care.  We have no idea where we would be without this opportunity and the extremely high standards of the director, Michelle Smyth.

Thanks for taking the time to consider what you can do this month to be an autism advocate!

What Autism Looks Like - 4 Years Later Edition

I tried to explain what autism looked like describing Deane’s “symptoms” in 2011 and another update two years ago.   I used terms in a way I would not now.  Re-reading that post opened my eyes to our evolution in the last four years.  There has certainly been a progression from ownership as a family of all-things-autism in our life to recognition that it is Deane, an individual, who has autism.  We are simply his family trying to figure out how to support and work together considering some unique parameters.

To continue to document his progress, I will attempt an overview of how the symptoms of autism have evolved within Deane or how they impact Deane in the world.
Speech -
Since the loss of communication and lack of phrases is what led us to originally seek a diagnosis, I cannot fully express how far we have come.  Although Deane does not have extensive conversations, he will continue to speak with us for several questions and answers.  He sometimes gets very excited about a preferred topic and will share everything of which he can think.  This is not a disassociated list, but he is very much sharing his enthusiasm assuming the listener will feel the same.  He is no longer echoic.  He sings at random, which is an amusing mixture of praise music and whatever latest pop or hip hop song his dad has played for him.  His spontaneous language is rich with a variety of words and ideas.  For whatever reason, Deane experiences periods of time (usually a few days to few weeks) where his communication will come more fully alive.  It seems to occur around a vacation.  He shares many more of his feelings and the thoughts that we can see being formed the rest of the time.  These are my favorite days.
Sensory -
Through Occupational Therapy and maturity, Deane has overcome many of the tactile (touch) aversions he had when smaller.  He manages sound very well. You may see him cover his ears at times, but this is rarely to avoid a loud noise.  He uses this method to block out sound because it is one sense he can control when he is overwhelmed.  I find this happens primarily when he is encountering something too emotional - a scene in a movie, a crying sibling.  Temple Grandin’s book, The Autistic Brain, gave words to Deane’s sensory behaviors better than any other collection of information.  It is common to want to understand whether a child over or under reacts to sensory input.  Temple discusses Carly Fleischman (a non-verbal woman with autism and co-author of Carly’s Voice) and how in a scenario of sensory over-stimulation, she is equally likely to shut down as she is to have a tantrum.  This has been Deane, but I am seeing his ability to communicate through these scenarios improve regularly.  He still avoids sloppy foods.  His diet is still pretty narrow.  He often walks with his body pressed against us looking for input.  He can appear hyper-active as he pursues enough input to regulate himself.  The theme of our sensory journey has been that as his ability to communicate increases, so does the ability to tolerate or modify the sensory experience.
Social/Emotional -
This is another area where ability to communicate and understanding is paramount.  I would consider this my primary focus for Deane at this time.  As a parent, it feels like this is an area with few research based tools available and few people with significant training.  Managing the unique social and emotional needs of each child with special needs makes this work too large for schools and therapists and too daunting for parents.  This is not untrue of all developing children, but most do not need all social scenarios explained, hand over hand instruction, prompting during interactions, or someone recognizing needs for breaks, etc.  Over time, Deane has developed better understanding of the boundaries with his siblings.  He is motivated to “teach” his little brother, Reed, new things.  He is a warm and loving boy.  Although he doesnt always participate, he is beginning to see the value, in sharing or taking turns with items, ideas and being in control.  Hopefully a day will come when he sees how lucky he is to have a sister like Kate to constantly want him to play with her.  And of course she is so lucky to have a big brother like Deane.

Deane continues to attend ABA therapy 18 hours each week.  He has a weekly speech session that is shared with 1 or more peers working on social speech skills.  He continues OT every week or bi-monthly depending on the time of year.  He attends kindergarten for two full days each week.  He spends his free time researching his greatest interests - Skylanders and dinosaurs.  He uses his own laptop and printer to make books, posters, puppets and checklists of his interests.  He loves to spend as much time as possible in his pajamas.  His favorite foods are ice cream, french fries, peanut butter and various fruits.  He reads above grade level.  His favorite books (which we are reading together) are the Magic Tree House series.
This most certainly does not cover it all.  Deane is a complex, fascinating, very smart, sweet, and awesome boy.  I can’t wait to see our shared journey of facing autism continue to morph into how he independently overcomes challenges to reveal his strengths to the world.
So much has happened in four years for which we will be forever grateful.

Being A Friend

I had hoped to have a well organized Autism Awareness Month schedule of posts, but since we are in the middle of a move (more about that in a future post), I will be sharing my autism messages more sporadically.  I'd like to offer the following story about being a friend:

On Friday, December 18th, 2010, I walked into my friend, Erica's home for a playdate with 2 year old Deane and 7 week old Kate, where we were cheerfully greeted by Maddison and Kylie.  The three "big" kids quickly headed for the basement as I was unloading baby Kate. (Their home is one of the few places I feel truly comfortable letting Deane play freely and the other kids really look out for him - such a gift!)

I didn't notice until she started speaking that Erica was nervous, but she started "Don't be mad at me, but I wanted to mention something to you".  She proceeded to explain that some of the characteristics Deane displayed reminded her of a family member with autism.

Although we had Deane "cleared" of any concern regarding his language delay at his 2nd birthday, I (and I now know others close to us) knew deep down that something was amiss.  Erica listened to me explain how we were aware of the potential concerns, but we had checked into it...he's a boy...it will work out.  She didn't try to convince me. The small seed let out what I knew in my heart and by the following morning I had spoken with our pediatrician (conveniently at our family Christmas) about scheduling our evaluation at the University of Iowa.

I can't imagine the courage required of Erica with the uncertainty of what these comments would do our 10+ year friendship with her and husband, Travis.  What brings tears to my eyes in telling this story is that she put my child first before herself.  There was no benefit for her in being right, but she loved us dearly enough to put our son first.  I have since heard from a number of people that either they are struggling with how to approach someone for whom they were concerned their child might have autism and also a couple "I can't believe he/she thinks my kid has autism".  To both the worried friend and the skeptical parent, I say, remember, this is for our children.  We must face extremely scary and unsettling things for them.  Why not have your child assessed without trying to sway the assessment?  Why not really look at the symptoms that might be displaying?  Being helpless, confused, afraid and angry is not something we can easily sign up for, but the days, months, or years that we don't invest in kids with autism Right Now will have an impact on the rest of their lives.  I say this humbly as a mother who lived in denial for several months.  Diagnosis isn't the end, it's the key to opening up help (in the form of services, insurance, school assistance, etc).  And perhaps a diagnosis isn't the answer, but if there is concern, there may skills that would be aided with speech, OT, etc.  The sooner we bravely begin the process of accepting the possibility, the sooner we can help our little ones.

Be brave and be a friend like Erica.

Two Moments to Remember

I had two great moments this week that I don't want to forget.  Please note I'm inserting unrelated recent photos because I don't have any pictures of these moments...of course.

Discovering how to float balls over the air tubes at Rockford's children's museum

#1 On Thursday, Deane,Kate and I were running errands with my mom.  We went to a local mall which just happens to have a train that is large enough for adults and children to ride in.  It drives through the mall and is a favorite activity of Deane's.  To me, favorite activity usually equals meltdown upon having to discontinue the activity. 


on Niabi Zoo train - another favorite activity, but this year, it appears we don't like the whistle

On Thursday, I was prepared to sit on the train for however long it took to get the errands done, but it wasn't running at the moment so instead Deane, Kate and I went to the play area in the food court, another activity I tend to avoid in fear of an altercation with another child over whatever.  But something miraculous happened.  Deane played with first one little boy and then another little girl and then another couple boys.  He played!  He even led some of the interaction.  I took my seat (I usually hover a bit to make sure things aren't getting out of hand) and just watched, cherished the moment.  I overhead him saying "Boy, let's run!" with glee.  He had enough language to play with these 3-5 year olds for about 30 minutes (admittedly, it doesn't take a lot).  There was never an instant where he looked like he wanted to hit someone.  There was no crying or screaming.  He couldn't care less what Kate was doing (the answer was performing her first full on public tantrum, but that's another story). 

She immediately moved the sunglasses to top of her head the first time I put them on her.

When he was hot and pink-cheeked, he came for some water.  He hesitantly agreed to leave to look for the train.  He rode ONE time with my mom and got off with out melting down to come and find me.  He even tried bubble gum while we were at the mall.  These seemingly simple parts of many children's days are milestones for us.  I'm so grateful!

bad photo, but I love this boy and you can kind of see the faintest smile here...he doesn't hate it when I hug him :)

#2 Last night, Chris and I were lucky enough to go on a "date".  It was gorgeous.  We sat outside at the Boat House and watch the skyline fade and the stars come out.  What crazy, wonderful March 16th weather! 

It's water table season!

On our way to the grocery story before heading home (because we're in our 30s and that's what we call a date), we heard "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real.  This song has always spoken to me even though the focus is on a father's role in a family.  In listening, all of these thoughts flashed into my head.
That someday I will be telling my kids that it wasn't until I was 31 that really started to understand what it means to love Jesus first before anyone, even our family.  (I'm not saying this is easy or I have it figured out; only that I can now understand that this is possible and what I want.)
That it's so important for Chris and I to create a family that leads our children in the direction we hope for them, but that they will test that and stray from that path.  That I don't have to keep them from those experiences because I have seen that it is only through hardship that many of us actually come to understand what life is truly about.

I found so much comfort in these thoughts.  Parents, and in particular special needs parents, must protect our children from danger and unnecessary hurt, but recognizing God's role in this is freeing for me.  I have a WHOLE lot of work to do in this area, but I wanted to remember having these feelings for the times when it's not so evident.

Kate trying to get away from me while I take her photo

If you've read my blog for awhile, you are probably sensing that there isn't going to be a lot of consistency in my topic choices.  I'm kind of all over the place with my crafting and interests.  Thanks for sticking around :)

Deane inspecting his own face in one of those things that people had on their desks in the 80s that you could push your hand through....hmmm hows that for a description

Another month passes...

The following is a super random grouping of the last month's activities.

Sweet (and wild) Kate is still on the move.  The thumb in her mouth is a tale tell sign that she's getting tired.  At 16 months, she's increasing her vocabulary everyday.  More recent word additions include "book", "moo", "shoe", "sock", but her favorite continues to be "NO".  She says something that sounds like "iiii uhhhh" which appears to be the equivalent of pointing and saying "this one".

She's an extraordinary eater with a seemingly endless appetite.

I've been really enjoying taking them to new places, particularly museums.  They see so much that we don't notice.  They are certainly on the move!

Kate kept running into the plexiglass this particular day... poor girl.  Kate also has a LOT of personality in nearly all situations.  She did a little dance around this octopus inching closer each time.

 This is Deane posing by the Bison.  He kept telling the bison to "say cheese buffalo".  At the point of this visit in late January, he liked to tell strangers "buffalo drink water".

More silly girl...

Deane continues to be extremely fascinated with dinosaurs so we visited the dinosaur exhibit at the Peoria Arts & Science Museum.  It wasn't particularly geared for little ones - lots of simulators, but it was still fun.

Deane doesn't like brushing his teeth, but he LOVES looking at himself ;)

Pretty much every day in our house involves building a large and elaborate train track system.  It's getting a little out of control.  All house visitors know that they will have to step around or through the daily train and if Deane is awake, you will be recruited to play trains.

 I have been trying to get serious about our homeschool activities and work to prepare Deane for whatever is next in his education.  I save most of the ideas I find here.  We have been having lots of fun and also learning more about what challenges Deane.  Here's a sampling of our activities.

The final result of our sensory bowl!

Finger paint in a bag - works for any age.

Use your hand or a brush.  I would suggest taping the top of a bag that a toddler is using :)

Fine motor pouring activity.  Two cups and a jelly pan.

We just watched Bee Movie yesterday and ended up visiting the Hurstville Interpretive Center today to see their snake exhibit to find they have a living, working bee hive that you can inspect with a magnifying glass.

A couple "Deane-isms" lately...

"I want no please" - which means I don't want to do what you asked.

"Excuse me" - used to get attention or ask someone to go away

"I want to cuddle" - I love this!!!!

Unprompted, albeit from repeated past prompting, he says "Good Morning", "Good Night", and "I love you".

We tried to start listening therapy, but wearing headphones isn't going well.  We have work to do.

We are moving in April sometime...details to follow as the date approaches.

Catching Up

It's been a month since my last post.  It's occurred to me several times that it had been a long time, but I haven't felt compelled to write or craft or report on autism.  I don't like to do things out of obligation (this has only changed in the last year...I never liked to, but I often did things out of obligation) so I'm only now coming back to write some thoughts down.  Sorry for the randomness of topics.

I came into 2012 very positive.  I felt like we, as a family, have learned much in the last year about the irrelevance of "things" and the relevance of so many intangible parts of our lives.  I still have high hopes for this year.  Unfortunately, in just the small community I grew up in, there has been much pain and sadness at the loss of special people.  Theirs is not my story to tell, but I finally feel that my heart is in the right place to recognize God's guidance and direction in these inexplicable tragedies.  I feel my mind turning to prayer upon news of something scary or sad before worry creeps in.  I'm ecstatic about this and feel hungry for more. 

My current mantle
Here's where I found this printable: Source

We have also been doing a bit of school touring as we're planning to move in the coming months to a new district. I am unsure of when we will send Deane to school, but we want to be in the right place when that happens. We have been doing some home school programming. It's been very limited, but positive.  I am starting to see Kate's "smarts" showing up as she picks up details or responds to words I had no idea she knew.  This is exciting and I look forward to learning more about how my two little ones learn best. 

Sweet Kate often depicted by our photos...she is sweet, but...

"Real" Kate who we often refer to as "wild woman" :)

There is some hub bub about a proposed change to the definition of autism by the American Psychiatric Association.  The idea is to consolidate the broad autism spectrum, but the concern is that this will disqualify many from services.  The linked article actually states that up to 85% of all PDD-NOS diagnosed (like Deane) may no longer qualify for diagnosis.  This is only an issue for us if insurance would not recognize his current diagnosis and cover services that we are only now hoping to get covered (maybe I'll tell that story in another post).  We used a small amount of these services last year (ABA) along with our speech and OT and our insurance was raised the maximum amount.  I share this only to create further understanding.  The results of this potential change will be revealed over time, so we shall not fret.

Deane has been lucky enough to participate in a swimming program for special needs kids run by local high school and college students.  There was an article with a few photos of him in the local paper last week.  (Notice, there is one comment on the article.  I couldn't agree more with it. LOL)  It's an awesome opportunity and we are impressed with these great kids (both students and teachers).  This last weekend was their end of session party and Deane "jumped" off the diving board four times.  We're proud parents.

Jumping..

Teachers and students

I have also gotten back involved with the Erika Kate Foundation, helping with marketing.  I took a hiatus after Deane's diagnosis to get a handle on our life, but I feel lucky to be jumping back on board of this amazing organization.  EKF assists families of children with life threatening cardiac illnesses by providing spiritual, emotional and financial support.  Erika Kate also happened to be the daughter of my cousin, Traci, and her husband, Rich.  They co-founded the organization not long after Erika passed in 2006 and today are helping families in several heart centers across the country.  It is particularly special for me to help because Traci has always been a role model for me and throughout her life, she always made time to be a part of my life.  I'm so grateful to have anything to offer EKF.  In a recent email to me, Traci thanked me for helping out and said "I know there will be blessing in it for you, dear one."  The line struck me as something a wise character in a movie would say to someone just beginning a journey.  It felt like it will apply not only to my time with EKF, but my outlook on 2012. 

Blessing for you and your family too!

Being Quiet

I wish that title meant that I am being reflective and still or something sophisticated like that, but it's just reference to my quietness on the blog.  I have lots of crafty ideas I want to share, but need to actually complete one.  If you follow me on Pinterest, you might have noticed that I'm collecting ideas like crazy (just not completing).  I have LOTS of autism related thoughts on my mind, but I don't want to be a downer.  We are trying to focus daily on gratitude this month in advance of the Thanksgiving holiday.  We're using the first printable found here to actually write something down each day.

We have completed the school evaluation/IEP (Individualized Education Plan) process.  I've read IEP books and done my homework, but I didn't realize (and apparently the school staff didn't either when they invited us to the IEP meeting) that even thought we decided in advance we would not send Deane to school right now, we still had to complete an IEP.  (I'm not sure we actually needed to now that I have spoken to other sources.)  The whole team seems genuine and well intentioned.  Unforunately, they are figuring out certain things as they go and at least part of the team have never had a parent complete the process and not send their child.  So, I was caught off guard, but I believe that since we signed that we didn't accept the IEP, we won't have to live with anything that they wrote for goals.  Frustrating, but we move forward and have done some of the leg work for Deane's future IEP. 

Chris was gone a couple days and they were LONG days.  He is at a retreat today and through the weekend (except for time to come home and sleep).  He isn't here during the day normally, but I so look forward to sharing the responsibility at 5 or 6PM.  I was trying very hard to consistently discipline Deane throughout the day and log his behaviors.  A lot of this plan is based on ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) principles.  We consider that from a behavioral standpoint, he wouldn't continue to do something if it wasn't "working for him" or if he wasn't "getting something from it".  It's not that foreign of an idea to parents.  For example, most young children can't articulate their emotions so they may cry or hit to get the input they need.  With a child that is getting older and stronger, this can be dangerous  and frustrating to parents and siblings.  Yesterday was a great day, but I can tell this morning, he's not quite as happy or comfortable.

I read a blog yesterday of a mom of 4 boys who said she sets her goals low each day - showering, feeding her kids and helping them appear clean so that all other accomplishments are bonus.  I totally identify and am sure most moms of babies and toddlers can too, but I also recognize that I can't really give myself a break like that.  This, right now, is the time that Deane needs me to be on my game most.  He needs help understanding the world and adapting to it while he's little enough to comfortably do so.  What we do now will determine his future.  That's too heavy on some days for me and I thank God on those days for Word World! :)

I've reinstituted the picture schedule to help Deane keep back on track.  We have noticed he has been "off" much of the last week so hopefully between my log and getting more structured again, we will sort this out.  Here's a photo of our picture schedule. 

It's just laminated photo of actions/activities (provided by a speech therapist) that I velcroed to a piece of foam core board.  I never imagined this would be so effective, but it really seems to help Deane know what to expect and smooths transitions considerably.  Even though the schedule went smoothly yesterday, Deane tore all of the pictures off the schedule and threw them around the living room when I was busy with Kate.  I ignored this as I didn't see him do it.  It's as though he was saying "I'll follow the schedule, but I'm not happy about it."

We are praying for something to happen with the house or work opportunities that give us some direction.  I wouldn't say that we are anxious about it, but want to feel proactive.  St. Joseph is standing by:

I find it incredibly interesting that there are instructions that dispell the myth that the statuette needs to be buried upside down and also reminds us that our home must be properly priced and minor repairs done!  Isn't that funny?  St. Joseph has conditions. :)

I was lucky enough to get a little R&R with some great friends, Amanda and Maegan, last night at a cute restaurant in Peoria called 309.  We had an "incident" there with Deane after which I vowed not to return out of embarassment.  I'm so glad I did and actually got to enjoy the food and good company.  This quote comes to mind...
 "It takes a long time to grow an old friend." - John Leonard

Happy Weekend!

"I Will Rise"

When I have a day like today, I often think to "blog it out" and sometimes I even draft it, but its exhausting to experience it and then to write it out and by time I'm editing it, I'm over it.  But I want to share it because it's important to be able to reflect on our progress in the future and for others to understand my son and other kids like him. 

My children slept until 8AM...this has never happened. I guess God thougt I could use a little extra rest to make it through.  As I got the kids ready, I also prepped for our day out.

We visited the Family Museum.  The train table is the area that makes me most nervous because it requires sharing and is Deane's favorite.  A mom with her two children joined us there.  Her kids were awesome and played with 1 or 2 trains that Deane wasn't and let him run his 6 car train all over the table.  Kate eventually wanted in.  She is used to grabbing for his stuff.  During this time, the mom and I are chatting and she even invited me to a playgroup from her church.  Deane became distracted with something nearby so another little girl picked up his train.  He noticed (as he always does) and quickly grabbed a couple cars from her.  I intervened, reminded him we must share.  Deane's reaction to his frustration isn't verbal.  He hasn't figured out how to process these feelings and communicate them.  He decided to hit Kate.  I was requiring him to say "sorry" to the other little girl (which he  maybe/kind of did) but I told him we would have to go because there is no hitting or grabbing.  I knew it was about to hit the fan if we kept playing there and thought this was the ultimate punishment, to remove him from the train altogether.  The first mom was so sweet to tell me her name and nice to meet me as I was trying to resolve this.  I figured she was thinking why did I invite this crazy crew to our playgroup.  I walked them over to Kate's stroller to buckle her in.  Deane bolted and pushed the little girl at the train table.  I apologized to the girl's stunned grandma who sat with her mouth open and didn't say a word.  I carried a yelling and flopping Deane out. 

We didn't have enough time to go home before our afternoon appointment so we met Chris for lunch.  Deane looked alarmed going through the line at Qdoba (where we chose because I had a coupon but forgot to use!).  He just folded into Chris.  Fortunately, it was nice enough to sit outside so Deane could recline into a chair and get away from the noise.  Chris reminded me that I'm doing the right thing by continuing to try and give Deane new opportunities and that I shouldn't hide at home.  Then Chris dumped my drink on the ground :)

Next we had to go to occupational therapy.  Deane was upset on the way and as we arrived, repeating NO over and over.  In the waiting room, we repeated the sharing "teaching" (aka refereeing) until it was time for him to go back.  He did fine in his session (with the exception of screaming about the idea of touching shaving cream), but afterward wanted to take their dinosaurs with him even though we have several plastic dinosaurs at home.  He screamed and cried while we left, changed his diaper and drove home, for about 25 minutes, until he passed out.  Just after he fell asleep, I heard Steve Shawn McDonald's "Rise".  It's such an uplifting song and a reminder to get back up. 

I'm so sorry that life is so frustrating for Deane and that seemingly small things cause him to behave in a way that label him and us.  BUT we will try again... 

Since both children are asleep, I am quickly typing this up (sorry no editing today) and running downstairs to watch a little Real Housewives, but only because it would be inappropriate to have a margarita at 3PM....I think.

Making Memories

Tidbits from our life of late...

Kate started signing "More"in early October. This was a necessity as she is very interested in feeding herself little bits of anything she can get her hands on which has included far more things that I would have allowed with Deane. I guess I've really loosened up with kiddo #2.  She continues to make a lot of frustrating grunting and screeching sounds so we'll be continuing focus on words and signs for my sanity!

We are loving the early October gorgeous weather. Windows open...playing outside...wearing shorts! As I prepared for our garage sale, Deane and I carted a ball up and then down the yard.  I'm hoping this means he will be a good shopper, but I'm guessing it's more about being outside.

At the grocery store last week, Deane said "Hi Grammy" to a random woman who was probably in her 60s.  She looked nothing like any of his grandmas.  I found this exciting because I believe he is generalizing that most older women are grandmas and not just that this is my mom's name.

Deane has also started saying lots of functional things like "I'll get it!" if he drops something or Roxie comes to the door.  Functional language = happy mama!

Kate is now SO BIG!

"Go see animals at the zoo!"  We live about 15 minutes from Niabi Zoo and Deane knows when we are in the vicinity of the zoo (which is basically every time we drive into town).  He says a few variations, also "love the animals at the zoo".  He is especially interested in giraffes (because of the adorable baby giraffe).

Deane opted not to ring the bell on the train, but every time he hears it, he announces it.

Dad & Deane by the elephants

Being a monkey

Baby Giraffe

He loved calling everything a wallaby after we told him what these were.

Kate relaxing in her stroller, as we try to keep up with brother

Chris & Deane after feeding the giraffes.  Deane wanted to help, but got too excited and dropped the lettuce each time the giraffe came close.

Papa & Deane on the butterfly chairs

Deane is also very excited about rhinos, but we had to settle for the statue.

We also made the required Fall visit to an orchard/pumpkin patch.  This year Mom, Deane, Kate and I made a quick stop to Stone's Apple Barn.  The highlight was the animals, not the apples for Deane.

Baby Sister was less enthusiastic about the llamas

Grammy & Deane saying hi to the llama

This is how all of my photos of both children are turning out these days!

It's such a pleasure to stay home with my children.  Yes, there are hard days, hours, etc., but to be able to introduce them to new things throughout the day every day is a blessing.  I had not been to the Putnam Museum since I was a child.  It was amazing to explain to Deane what a submarine is and look at all the "pretend" (aka taxidermed) animals.

I think this was a "wigwam" - group photo



running the controls on a mechanical arm in the "submarine"

Deane was enthralled by the rhino!

When Deane does something to Kate (such as hitting or pulling a toy out of her hands), we ask him to apologize to her.  The other day he screamed at me and Chris jumped in and said, "Say sorry for screaming".  Deane looked at me and said  "I'm sorry I screamed".  This is HUGE.  He typically says "I'm sorry" but beyond that his use of pronouns is rarely correct and here he expanded it and conjugated the verb!  I love these little surprises.  Whereas a typical child might learn quickly and at a younger age, we are getting the opportunity to witness the development of language in baby steps.  It's a beautiful experience and I pray Deane continues to be motivated to speak more and more.

Our life has been full of many not so fun or happy moments this month and honestly several preceeding months.  I'm not ignoring these realities or pretending like life is better than it is.  I think my Making Memories posts focus on just how good life is even in the midst of struggle.  I posted about making big decisions recently and we have made one...to list our home for sale. It's sad as we thought this was a place we would be for a long, long time, our dream home.  It is a blessing to be on the same page with Chris about what is right for our family.  Now, we're looking for the relief that will come with selling or leasing our home so we can gain more control over our future and hopefully maintain the opportunity for me to stay home with the kiddos. 

It's been a wild, fun, surreal month!