On
Friday, December 18th, 2010, I walked into my friend, Erica's home for a
playdate with 2 year old Deane and 7 week old Kate, where we were cheerfully
greeted by Maddison and Kylie. The three
"big" kids quickly headed for the basement as I was unloading baby
Kate. (Their home is one of the few places I feel truly comfortable letting Deane play freely and the other kids really look out for him - such a gift!)
I
didn't notice until she started speaking that Erica was nervous, but she
started "Don't be mad at me, but I wanted to mention something to
you". She proceeded to explain that
some of the characteristics Deane displayed reminded her of a family member
with autism.
Although
we had Deane "cleared" of any concern regarding his language delay at
his 2nd birthday, I (and I now know others close to us) knew deep down that
something was amiss. Erica listened to
me explain how we were aware of the potential concerns, but we had checked into
it...he's a boy...it will work out. She didn't try to convince me. The
small seed let out what I knew in my heart and by the following morning I had
spoken with our pediatrician (conveniently at our family Christmas) about
scheduling our evaluation at the University of Iowa.
I
can't imagine the courage required of Erica with the uncertainty of what these
comments would do our 10+ year friendship with her and husband, Travis. What brings tears to my eyes in telling this
story is that she put my child first before herself. There was no benefit for her in being right,
but she loved us dearly enough to put our son first. I have since heard from a number of people
that either they are struggling with how to approach someone for whom they were
concerned their child might have autism and also a couple "I can't believe
he/she thinks my kid has autism". To
both the worried friend and the skeptical parent, I say, remember, this is for
our children. We must face extremely
scary and unsettling things for them.
Why not have your child assessed without trying to sway the assessment? Why not really look at the symptoms that
might be displaying? Being helpless, confused, afraid and angry is not something we can easily sign up for,
but the days, months, or years that we don't invest in kids with autism Right Now
will have an impact on the rest of their lives.
I say this humbly as a mother who lived in denial for several
months. Diagnosis isn't the end, it's
the key to opening up help (in the form of services, insurance, school
assistance, etc). And perhaps a
diagnosis isn't the answer, but if there is concern, there may skills that would
be aided with speech, OT, etc. The sooner we bravely begin the process of accepting the possibility, the sooner we can help our little ones.
Be
brave and be a friend like Erica.
